10 gardening questions when people find out we garden

Gardening questions

Don’t you just love getting gardening questions? When people talk in general conversation about their hobby or profession it’s flattering to get questions of interest, and with all topics there are the un-initiated, under-informed, but generally enthusiastic newbies to be that we really should help to grow our community and a more beautiful world.  There are some questions though, that make us all cringe a little… here’s a few of our favorites and how we deal with them.

/Disclaimer/

Now look, if you’re a newbie, coming here for information… THANKS! We love you and appreciate you reading, we hope you enjoy our odd sense of humor.  We’re not looking to make anyone feel bad, and we get that there are people at all skill development levels on every subject. We also get that there are varying degrees of opinion on a lot of this stuff. So , take it all with a grain of salt, cool?

/Disclaimer/

And so the conversation starts…

It happens, people love to talk about their hobbies or work. You’re at a cookout or office function and mention your leaf babies. Oh wow you grow stuff in your garden?? That’s so cool ~My Mom used to keep a couple small plants on the window ledge… Geez I have a brown thumb  and can’t grow anything… What kind of …

OOOH KAY… here they come, gardening questions and our go-to answers.

1. How do I make my lawn look nicer?

   It’s not even funny, this is almost always the very first gardening questions anyone asks us… Yes, you would be the envy of your subdivision if you had an emerald green, tightly packed perfectly manicured lawn.  Our pro tip for this question… “Get a guy”… or Gal.  Whatever, we know you don’t have the amount of time, and won’t put in the effort it takes to get a lawn, like the one we know you want. So, go ahead, call a professional, and hire the kid on the corner for $25 a week to cut it. HOWEVER… make sure, if you do hire a lawn company they have an “organic” “pesticide free” package and don’t turn your dirt into a chemical dependent money pit. Make sure they do a good aeration of your soil and use natural products.

2. Should I get a sprinkler system?

   Do you have a farm? Driving through some towns we see McMansions on ~2 acres with sprinklers going off… in the rain… what a waste. The house you bought came with one included. Fine, but really no, you don’t need a sprinkler system. Does it save a little time in mid-August when everything starts to dry out, sure, but its totally unnecessary.

3. How often should I water my xyz?

   This is actually one of the better gardening questions we get, but if you ask prepare for a ton of follow up questions. It totally depends on your xyz… How often are you watering it now? Does it look healthy? Have you done much research on your xyz for soil preferences? How about you invite us over for a beer and we’ll take a look at your leaf baby? Bear in mind we do claim custody rights if you’re found to be a bad leaf mamma and will leave you with a hole in the ground… and sadness in your heart.

4. What kind of plant will look nice in my windowless living room that doesn’t need much maintenance?

   A plastic one. Really, we’ve known you for years, you live in a cave with no light and if it weren’t out of insistence, your cat would starve. You live alone and have no business taking care of living creatures.

5. I have a weird thing in my yard do you know what it is?

   Have a picture? No? Great! We’ve memorized all species of all plants and noxious weeds and can identify them by the mere vague description from your three-wine-buzzed, fuzzy recollection… Oh it has little yellow flowers and is about as tall as your dog? Nice, we have no idea… Seriously! Do you do that to your friend who’s a mechanic? Oh, man, I saw this car, it was white with blue stripes… You know what it was?

6. Where’s the best place to buy plants from?

   Also a pretty good gardening question. We find ourselves looking at plants to buy wherever we go, from the supermarket to the hardware store. The best answer we can come up with, is your local nursery. 1, it’s important to support local businesses and 2, they will be able to guide you if you have questions, and 3, they’re close so if you have issues or need help, they will very likely be there for that too.

7. I’m going to bug spray my yard before my next cookout, what kind of pesticide should I use?

   *shudder* okay, a gardening question that provides real opportunity to educate. FIRST resist the urge to answer with: Find the one with the label that says “may cause reproductive issues in humans”… that’s the best kind… we don’t want you breeding. SECOND its simply best to go at this one with, “there’s no such thing as a “safe” pesticide and that a bug bite (in most cases) is far less harmful”. Let them know that if they are trying to control a specific type of pest there’s a specific type of management for it.  Got ticks? Clear the leaf litter and brush. Got mosquitoes? Make sure there’s no pools of standing water. Got hornets? Get them before the nest is big with your garden hose, or torch them if you can.  Have a vegetable pest? Rotate the crops in your garden. If you really need to keep bugs away from you or your guests, light torches, hand out spray on repellent to your guests and let your yard be.

8. I heard poinsettias are poisonous

    

   Wow, tell whoever you heard it from that I wrote an article on how poinsettia are not poisonous just for them with actual sources from real universities and stuff and the history of why under informed people keep thinking that. Oh and guess what, that bleeding heart and grape vine in your yard are dangerous and are going to kill you… and your little dog too.

9. I saw this weird bug in my yard, do they usually sting?

   

   Tiger bee fly

   Why, did it sting you? Look we’re not entomologists, most often, if we see a bug near our leaf babies, we research it.  Usually, we go to the website for a university entomology department because they usually do a pretty good job.  Penn State, for example, has a pretty good one.

10. What do I do to get rid of the stray cats / deer / squirrels / chipmunks… in my yard

    Great gardening question. We’re still looking for an answer for ourselves. We did write an article on what we think some of the most likely candidates ought to be to keep fuzzy beasts out of your garden.

    

Okay so, next time you’re asked, you have some thoughtful (or somewhat humorously sarcastic) points to draw from and if you’re the one doing the asking. Have heart, we’re not judging, we just want to make sure you’re having fun.

Okay we lied there’s no kitten, we’re not really buzz feed after-all hahaha